JESUS - A COUNCELING SESSION IN ONE ACT

JESUS:  The pressure on me, man, it’s just so overwhelming.  Jesus constantly wrings fingers while talking.  Everywhere I go, eyes are on me.  Watching my every move.

THERAPIST:  And how does that make you feel?

JESUS:  It’s making me a nervous wreck.  I think I’m going bald – look.  He leans forward to show top of scalp, however, no bald spot is visible.  I can’t do anything without considering the repercussions.  Heck, I can’t even speed on the interstate.  Is that a sin?  Is breaking a law designed by mortal man a sin?  I don’t know, doc?  I just don’t know?  And He won’t tell me shhh – Jesus stops, recalculates his phrasing, nothing.  He won’t tell me nothing.  Jesus lowers his voice, turns and looks over his shoulder.  He’s so detached.

THERAPIST:  And how does that make you feel?

JESUS:  Unloved.

THERAPIST:  Interesting.

JESUS:  Why so?

THERAPIST:  Well, you are the savior to hundreds of millions of people.  People drop to their knees to

worship and praise –

JESUS (interrupting):  That is another thing, doc.  I’m in my late 20’s.  I have needs, you know.  And these women show up out of the blue at my doorstep.  On their knees.  Jesus shoots the therapist an expectant glance.  It confuses me. 

THERAPIST:  I can concur, Jesus.  Women come to me, too.  Already on their backs, spilling their dirty secrets.  The lights are low.  It can take a toll on me mentally and emotionally.  Sometimes I have impure thoughts.

JESUS:  Yes.  I know.  You are a strong man. 

THERAPIST (looking at watch):  Time is up, Jesus.